Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Boris and Natasha; A Savage Journey

“Boris, dah-link, wake up!  Seat belts must be fascinated!  We land now in Lost Angeles!  Wake up, dah-link!”

[Vague sleepy mutterings from BORIS, grumblings, apparently having to do with squirrel mousse, or some such]

Clearing customs [inchoate bass-looming synthesizer chords looming bass-ily]  BORIS and NATASHA make their way to the designated white-zone for rental car shuttles.)

Enterprise Rental Agent: “And will you be traveling out of state?”

BORIS:  We visit Nevada, California, New Mexico, Colorado, Illinois, Michigan, Louisiana, Texas, and New York.  You have map for Frostbite Falls?

AGENT: So you’re declining the collision?

NATASHA: No collusion!

BORIS and NATASHA obtain Full-Size Elite Domestic Convertible, gas tank full. Proceed immediately to Convenient Legal Marijuana Dispensary, gathering great quantities of research materials.  Top down, they drive to Las Vegas via brief stop at historic Olvera Street for Margaritas, Tortilla Chips, Guacamole, T-shirts., Sombreros, Sim Cards, other Souvenirs.

[Somewhere Around Barstow, On Edge Of Desert: Drugs Begin To Take Effect]

BORIS:  I feel a bit lightheaded, Natasha.  You will drive.

Suddenly: A Terrible Roar; Sky Fills With What Looks Like Huge Bats; Perhaps Winged Squirrels

BORIS: Great Gobachev's Ghost!! What are these goddamn animals?

NATASHA has taken her shirt (“I’m with Stupid”) off  and is pouring beer on her chest to facilitate the tanning process.

A HITCHHIKER, probably a TYPICAL AMERICAN, appears on the horizon.  The large convertible skids to the side of the road.

NATASHA to HITCHHIKER climbing in: We are your friends.  We are not like the others.

BORIS to NATASHA: No more of that talk.  Or else I will put the leeches on you. 

BORIS turns to HITCHHIKER: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Sal Paradiskaya, typical American Beatnik Bohemian. I want you to know we are on our way to Las Vegas to find American Meme.  This is why we rent this car.  Is only way.  You can grasp this?

HITCHIKER nods nervously

BORIS:  I want you to have all background. This is very ominous assignment.  With overtones of extreme personal danger.  Do you wish beer?”

HITCHHIKER shakes head nervously.

BORIS: I want you to understand this woman at wheel is attorney.  Internet Research Attorney, Dinah Moriatskinova.  Does not look like you and me because is foreigner.  Is maybe Samoan — American Samoan!  Is U.S. person!

(To be continued)